My face is getting better

Ladies and Gentlemen, the time is drawing near when my skin will be clear....

This will close the facial disaster unless these last few items don't go away and I scar for life. Then we will have a whole new topic to discuss....

Aspiring to be a Proactiv Model

It appears that the tides may have turned. I promise as soon as most clusters disappear, I will stop posting daily photos of my disgusting face that will need to be burned upon my healing.

A tid bit nippley

Another good friend, JN aka B, shared this little gem yesterday about her recent email escapades:

"So I’ve been tanning for my friend’s wedding on Saturday. I went topless b/c I don’t want the lines. So I said to my friend that I didn’t want to burn my.... Nips... :) so she told me her fiancé said to put chapstick on them. Which to me- makes perfect sense. So I have been. Then last night, I forgot. OOPS! Well... They hurt a little. So I go to email my friend and her fiancé – who I’ve never emailed, but know he works for the state – as does she. So I take her email address: and put in his initials: .ONLY to get an email saying ‘Brian’s email is There are a lot of Bells that work for the State – you’ve now told some weirdo that you burnt your nips... B/c you forgot chapstick."

Your day could always start out like this, people...and bbell, if you are out there, we hope you at least got a smile at 7AM yesterday morning!

Un-glamour shots

Last night, my sister lovingly took photos which she emailed to me under the auspicious email title of "Glamour Shots". Glamorous they are not.



Please note that as itchy as they may look, they are actually worse.

Today, however, my forehead appears to have lost all redness and one whole half of my face no longer looks like I was held under duress on a red ant hill and bitten half to death.

Facial schmacial

I have googled bad facial, facial reaction, facial horror stories, and none of these things have shown me that anyone gets reactions that last for days on end...


My doctor, however, informed me of the the two following outcomes that I might experience due to my new cremes:
1. 2-3 days to go away- best case
2. 2-3 weeks to go away- not so best case


Then, like all good medical professionals, he shared the worst case scenario.


***Eerie music... enter fog....



This one time, I had a lady who had beautiful, flawless skin and went and had a bad facial experience...

***oooooOOOOOOooooooohhhhhHHHH***

And she had such bad acne from the facial that I had to put her on Accutane and she even had some facial scarring....

......fade to black******

Alright, listen up medical community. When you have a patient who has as highly active of an imagination as me, please do not tell us we could end up scarred due to one day of pampering in our measly little lives. And if you can't tell if we are highly imaginative, assume the worst.

Allergic to relaxation

This weekend I joined 6 others in a spa weekend. It was more of a spa gluttony as the man in charge of the retreat called us "the group who came to OD on spa treatments". In fact, we had sooo many spa treatments that the scrapbooking retreat happening at the same location couldn't book treatments.

We enjoyed such luxuries as hot stone massages and ionizing foot baths.

And when it came time to choose facials, I was so relaxed that I allowed the lady to assist me in choosing. I had never had a facial and informed her that I did have sensitive skin. She gave a list and I chose deep cleansing ($75 when bought seperately as opposed to our package deal) as cleansing and purifying seemed to be theme.

This is my face Sunday morning.

This is my face now.

I have just returned from the dermitologist ($20 copay) who informed me that this may be

A) an allergic reaction ($25 medicine)

or

2) an acne flare ($30 medicine)

I have also bought a non-irritating soap to be sure my face is clean before my three applications of face creams a day ($10), so I have now paid $75 facial + $ 85 to fix the facial to end up with worse skin than I have ever had in my life. Plus, I am itchy.

I think this means I am allergic to relaxation

Underwear

We have a friend, DB, who occassionally befalls bad luck. Only to us, instead of it being horrific and tragic, it always seems to lean towards the comedic.

On Monday, at work, DB visited the bathroom only to learn that her underwear had broke. That's right, folks. Broke.

The above represents the type of underwear I think she was wearing. Apparently, these being her favorite brand and style, she had worn them to the point of becoming brittle and when she pulled on them, the side piece tore.

Knowing she had little options, sitting there as she was, she proceeded to tie the broken pieces together. I think the resulting scenario would look something like this MS Paint sketch:

As you can see in the repaired sketch, it appears that approximately 1/2 of one buttcheek would be "free" for the rest of the day. Also, due to the quantity of material needed to "tie" them back together, the resultant panties were a little bit small. In fact, fearing she would never be able to get them back down or up, this trip was the last to the bathroom for the entire day until she returned home.

Obviously, feeling uncomfortable, sure that someone could tell and needing some resolve from outside herself, she emailed her sister to get some feedback. The response:

"Sometimes things happen. I just saw a cow mounting an alpaca and the alpaca looked very uncomfortable."

So ladies and gentleman, I guess that your mom was right. Always wear a good clean pair of underwear when you leave the house.